I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize