Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
