Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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