READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
