New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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