i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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