It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
