Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it was like eating out sand paper
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
