I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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