You just made me feel so damn special
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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