Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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