I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
