I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
