I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
