Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize