Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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