Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
