We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just sent this text using only my big toe
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
