He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
