Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
