Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
