Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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