You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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