I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
