well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
