If i could tip my vagina, i would.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
