Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just tell him i said nine months
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
