My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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