Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
