You're so nebulous sometimes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
