I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
