thus making me awesome and them whores
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
