Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
