His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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