I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
