mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Text me some of your sweat
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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