I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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