She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
