You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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