You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
