After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
