she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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