How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
