My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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