One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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