If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
how does that bad decision feel?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
