I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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