What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
