It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
