just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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