Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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