When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
