Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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