How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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