i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
