i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
