Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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