Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
