how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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