im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
