I wish I could teleport
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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