all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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