What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
