hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
