FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
