You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
