Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
