he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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