I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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