i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
