The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
